As one of those rare people who doesn’t know how to deal with water, I can confidently say that I never felt comfortable in bikinis.
Alright, maybe that isn’t the only reason… I’m secretly an extreme conservative when it comes to fashion (I know- what am I talking about?) in terms of how much skin shows when I put on a particular piece. Yeah… isn’t that funny coming from a person who allegedly works in fashion?It’s been bothering me, honestly, this thing I always had against “sexy” clothes… There were so many times when I wanted to walk out wearing a simple slip with nothing underneath, when I wanted to rock that scandalous hoochie mama dress for no particular reason, when I felt the urge to let myself go… free.
I’ve learned over years of experimenting that the only way to get out of a rut is to face it head-on, because true freedom is only allowed to those who seek it.
and this time around, I decided to give my body freedom, freedom to see the sun and… humans, finally.
and we are talking about seemingly endless physical training (including but not limited to spinning, yoga, pilates, weight training, running, you name it), a dramatic change of eating habits, and some dealings with mental issues, even.
I honestly never felt confident enough to wear something so tiny. Even after losing a significant amount of body fat and gaining muscles and what not, I still have insecurities and am not sure if I will ever feel completely confident about my body, but I’ve learned that it’s actually not the body itself that matters, but who I am as a person. If I love myself, then that’s enough to feel confident to do things for myself, things that make me happy no matter how trivial or substantial it may be, because unless I know how to truly love myself, there is no way I will ever be able to genuinely love someone else. It hasn’t been an easy one, but this journey has been certainly rewarding and enlightening, if not something I absolutely needed at the moment. I’ve realized that no matter what, I come first… because without me, there is no more of anything.
I’ve decided to give myself a bit more credit, a bit more love, and a bit more pat on the back… and these shots in the most revealing pieces you’ve seen me yet are just a beginning of what’s to come, a step towards a place of freedom where I can finally be myself, and where dreams come true. It’s a reminder to myself to be thankful to be who I am, that it’s okay to be comfortable in my own skin. On that note, should you ever feel like you aren’t good enough, count your blessings… and start focusing on yourself. And while there, press the ‘reset’ button.
Bandeau Neoprene “Winnie” Bikini in Polly Python courtesy of Triangl Swimwear
Photography by Justin S.